I had some tests at the doctor's last week. The practice nurse rang me this morning to tell me that I had been diagnosed as being colour blind. The news was a little bit unexpected, really.

"Blimey" I said to her......."That came right out of the orange.....!"

So this dog walks into the Salou Oficina de Empleo (JobCentre) and says to the guy behind the desk "I've just been laid off and I need to get back into a job as soon as I can......have you got anything?"

The bloke looks at him and says, "Blimey....a talking dog!!!! Have you tried down at the circus?"

The dog looks up at him and says "Wow, that's great timing...... so the circus needs a plumber, then?"

A bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, I used to be a hooker!'.

He says 'That's alright, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'.

She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Gloucester !'

Bloke staggers into his house 2am, with a Goose tucked under his arm.His wifes waited up for him.He declares "this is the pig I`ve been shagging for the last ten years".His wife says "It's a Goose". He replies "I was talking to the Goose".