I took my dad to the shopping centre the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 84).



We decided to grab a bite at the food court.



I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.



The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red, orange, and blue.



My dad kept staring at him.



The teenager would look and find him staring every time.



When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked:



'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'



Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one.



And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response:



'Got stoned once and sha**ed a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.

'May I see the new baby?' I asked

'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can chat for a while first.'

Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'

'No, not yet,' She said.

After another few minutes had elapsed,

I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'

'No, not yet,' replied my friend.

Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see him ?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.

'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
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'BECAUSE I'VE FORGOTTEN WHERE I PUT HIM.............. O.K.?'

SAYING GOODBYE TO MOTHER......

You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one! You don't even have to like 'em! We were dressed

and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab
company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat
we put out in the back yard, scoots back into the front door.

We didn't want the cat shut in the house

because she always tries to eat the bird. My wife goes out to the taxi, while I

went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will

be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out

soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'


A few minutes later, I get into the cab.

'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid ***** was hiding

under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She

tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then,

I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I

hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!

The cab driver hit a parked car